Roommate from Craigslist

I rolled into Jersey on July 9th, and started work on the eleventh. Obviously, time was a pressing concern. I amazingly found a month-to-month apartment near work, and in a good town. Here's the catch: my roommate is a short, Jewish, white guy who thinks he's Eminem. He blasts songs by Cam'ron like "Girls, Cash, Cars," and constantly fills the apartment with an herbal aroma. He can't speak English, and fits the phrase "yo, yo, you know" into every sentence. He owns a lap dog and kitten who dump on the floor and scratch, respectively. Finally, my favorite part, he is dating a married, ex-prostitute.

So, I finally gave into my mother's requests, and told him I was moving out on November 1st. Naturally, he looked for another roommate immediately. Well, he not only found a replacement, but the 6'8", 320lb guy is living on our couch for the remainder of the month. Thus, my apartment is now occupied by Slim Shady, a whore, Andre the Giant, Shitz, and Scratchz. Awesome.