No Way Down

Why are there no parachutes on passenger planes? My greatest fear when flying is a collision between two planes, and I want to be ready to jump when our vessel is split in half. Sure, traffic control is technologically advanced models overseen by experts, but I still fear human error when the wether is bad and 50 flights are circling from all directions. Clearly the expected plane crash is a gentle water landing where the plane sits afloat for minutes while everyone enjoys sliding down that inflatable yellow raft. Well, I'm not buying it. My vision of a plane crash is perfectly perpendicular while circling, and everyone jumps out of the four pieces. So, here's how you do it. Put parachutes under our seats where the life vests are. Move the life vests to a bin, and we'll calmly pick them up before our slide ride. The 'chutes need to be available on a seconds' notice as we twirl towards death. Then, change the unnecessary, constantly illuminated cigarette sign to a parachute. The pilot can illuminate this symbol when we are a safe distance from the ground to jump should exit be forced. Maybe they are afraid of the risk that people will make sport of this, or terrorists could serve a non-suicidal mission. Personally, I see ways around that with the door release locked or in the cockpit, etc. What'd ya think?