Brushback

The sports fan's Onion...

http://www.thebrushback.com

Does anyone know how to make this a hyperlink? Drew?

Three Stars

This is my favorite of the reviews Mjoseth mentioned. The product is a 7-inch knife for $39.99.

Look Closely At The Blade, November 17, 2005
Since all the santoku knives I've seen lately have the scalloped recessions, which helps keep food from sticking to the blade, I automatically assumed this one had them. But you REALLY need to look at the larger photo. You'll find that this knife lacks them. I only looked at the thumbnail and feel more the fool now.

I gave it a three because it feels good in my hand and was nice and sharp out of the box. But food definitely sticks to its sides.

Now I don't know that the scalloped recessions actually work as well as many claim, but I'd have liked to find out. I still have to hold certain foods to make sure they stay on the chopping board and don't come up/back with the knife. If they do work, I'd have really liked to have them.

It's a nice knife overall, but caveat emptor. Look closely at the photos to make sure you're getting what you expect.

The Truth...

Allegedly , this is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was honest and funny.

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

By the way, Google this guy if you desire hours of entertainment.

Da Bears

While some were listening to this clown preach the Middle Eastern democratic revolution, the Bears were making a more substantive statement in the NFC. Anyone else getting ready to shuffle?

Geneva, Switzerland

In case you were going to complain about brushing a little snow off your whip.

Flakes

I think I have dandruff in my leg hair. Has anyone ever heard of such a crazy thing? Does Head & Shoulders make an Ankles & Calves?

Emanation

The DISORDERLY CONDUCT notice from my landlord:

"We have received a complaint regarding the excessive noise that was emanating from your apartment as a result of a party held in your apartment beginning Saturday, November 19, and continuing until the early morning hours of Sunday, November 20, 2005. After receiving numerous complaints from your neighbors as a result of the loud noise emanating from you apartment it was necessary for our Apartment Manager to ring your doorbell at 2:00 a.m. There were approximately 15-20 people resent in you apartment partying and playing ping pong in your dining room! Despite his warning that you were disturbing the peace and quiet of the other residents and his request that you ask your guests to leave, the partying persisted and the police were called to the premises at 2:35 a.m."

Candidate

A potential writer...Mr. Thomas "Iceman" Connelly

Aspen ski bunny

This is a picture of Lara Mack.