Cubbies

Let's keep the Cubs posts rolling before football season starts and I do everything in my power to keep my mind off Wrigley '06. Finally a great weekend in Chicago with the first Cubs four-game sweep of rival St. Louis since 1972. Then, as I'm still coming down from the high, they trade future hall-of-famer, Greg Maddux for some no-name shortstop, Izturis. I still hadn't forgiven management for trading Maddux to the Braves during his prime. Still, I was trying to justify the donated Cy Youngs with a story that Maddux starts and ends his career with the Cubs, and chooses to enter the hall with the team that was loyal at the bookends. No? You didn't have the same dream? You'll just trade a hall-of-famer for a cardboard cutout? Aiight, cool.

Lance who??

I would usually make these three posts, but I’ll try something different and just kind of roll with a stream of consciousness. First, Drew and the webpage. Looks great. Clean and fresh. I don’t really care.

Second, my man Landis. The guy has one of the greatest days in cycling history, pisses strong, and is immediately called a cheater. Ease off you jealous little frenchies. Yes, we have dominated your bike ride for two decades, driving into Paris like the force that saved your country in ’45. Deal with it. Oh, and you’re welcome. For the record, Landis did not show abnormally high levels of testosterone (as everyone seems to expect). He just had a strange ratio of testosterone to epi-testosterone. I don’t really know what that means, except it allegedly isn’t a sign of doping. My other defense comes from a personal experience. Floyd said he had a few beers and some Jack Daniels the night before the race that could have skewed the test. I not only believe this could have skewed the test, but also could be the reason for his performance. The greatest athletic accomplishment of my life was after a similar “carbo-fest.” Only it wasn’t a couple beers, but more like twenty. I threw up getting out of bed, again during warm-ups, and then scored seven goals in a water polo match against the defending regional champion, Army. Innocent until proven guilty or Canseco writes another book.

Last topic, “In Dusty we Trusty.” I remember when the streets of Chicago were filled with those signs like it was yesterday, and am personally still on that bandwagon. Berman and Morgan couldn’t shut up last night about how all the Cubs fans have turned against Dusty and blame him for their wretched season. Here’s what I blame: an average team with no heart. The Cubs still have the most talented DL in the majors, and have ridden that excuse 19 games away from first place. Yes, the squad has little talent, but that didn’t stop teams like the Marlins or White Sox from winning championships. Go out everyday and play like it’s the playoffs, or expect to watch the real ones from your living room. I hope the Cubs sign Dusty to a multi-year deal, clean house, bring in some kids who want to play, and develop a championship team over time. The fans can be patient. After all, we have been for almost a century!

There's no I in Roger

I realize this is extremely old news, but I would still like to voice my opinion on Roger Clemens’ current contract. The man has signed with the Astros for an astronomical $22 million, pro-rated for the portion of the season he pitches in the majors. The point where I get frustrated is the clause he has had for the last couple years where he doesn’t attend road games when he isn’t scheduled to pitch. It’s my opinion that this sets a terrible precedent for all of sports. What’s to stop ARod from negotiating only playoff games? Maybe Lebron would only like to play on Tuesdays or Wednesdays when it’s not raining. I could definitely see T.O. requesting permission to sit out the rest of the season if the team is under .500 after eight games. Sports contracts should require total participation, with little more than money to be negotiated. Throw in a car, country club membership, boat, plane, or countless strippers, but please stay away from the game. I am pretty confident Shaun Alexander would like to wear an all-pink jersey if you would let him.

Black Spots

I usually can’t stand Manhattan in the summer, but a couple of rainstorms kept it cool and less humid than usual this past weekend. I actually spent most of Sunday strolling Central Park instead of my usual struggle for survival in the ovens they call a subway. I typically wonder how the elderly survive between May and October in that sauna, but this weekend my mind was able to stray back to an old question. What are the black spots all over city sidewalks? Several people have told me they are filthy gum remnants, but I find this difficult to believe. There are literally sections of NYC that have solid patches of these dots. Please tell me they are anything but gum. Also, if they are gum, can someone invent a product or machine to remove this waste?

Shoes

Note to summer bar-goers: keep your shoes on! After about an hour of tweezing, I still have at least twelve chards of glass in my left foot.

Hiiigh Octane in the Blazin Sun

A rap video my friend made about gas prices. Kind of smooth.

Belmar

A little slice of heaven, DJais on the Belmar strip. These were the only guys that weren't 250lbs, cut, and wearing camo AIX tank tops. Here's the rest of the scene.

Nemesis

Paris Hilton has once again added fuel to the fire saying she is a modern day Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana. “There’s nobody in the world like me,” she told the UK’s Sunday Times. “I think every decade has an iconic blonde — like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana — and right now, I’m that icon.” Please read the entire interview so you don't miss quotes like “They did a poll in the States asking people who they’d most like to see at a party — and it was me.” This girl is a dumb blonde brat that became famous from an average at best, amateur porn video. She is everything wrong with this country, and the second image after Dubya people associate with a stupid, selfish American. I have never heard of her doing a noble act, and would bet she has more shoes than quarters spent on philanthropy. Just one man's opinion.

Plane Windows

I've always wondered why the windows on planes were so small, but until today I never took the time to Ask Jeeves. Apparently, the windows are small to increase the strength of the frame by maximizing the hull area. According to some British guy "large windows were the cause of the loss of several De Havilland Comets (the world's first, UK built, commercial jet aircraft) as the strain put on the hull due to pressurisation caused metal fatigue in the slim areas of hull between windows, leading to at least two catastrophic ruptures at altitude." I guess for the time being we must remain claustrophobic with our foreheads pressed against the top of an eight inch plastic oval. I dream of a day when the entire plane is clear, and boats have glass bottoms. Hopefully this day is not too distant with today's news from Boeing that a plastic plane could hit the market as soon as 2008.

Prank

The number one VH1 prank was this guy flailing from an alleged Rat Man. Priceless.

Italia CAMPIONE

Much has happened since I last wrote...Italy won the World Cup with Zidane tainting his legacy, the crazy North Koreans shot some dud missiles at Japan, Ben Wallace made the Bulls an Eastern Conference favorite, Hezbollah put every Lebanese life in danger, Enron's chairman, Ken Lay, died before being sentenced, space shuttle Discovery was launched, and gas topped $3/gallon across America. With all these important topics to discuss, I want to make sure my first post back is sophisticated. Thus, I will ask a question that has honestly frustrated me for years. Why don't they sell large jars of cinnamon apple sauce? You can find cinnamon single-serves at every grocery store, but I have never seen cinnamon in anything larger than 32oz. Is there any justification? Puzzling.

Las Islas

Sorry the website has sat dormant in my absence. I have been touring Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands with this guy. Stay tuned for content coming soon.